Saturday, June 25, 2011

What is so bad about being good?

DISCLAIMER: This is a rant. I am Mormon.... I think that covers it.

I've just finished reading an article that has me just a bit irate. It's called "Why I can't stop reading Mormon housewife blogs: I'm a young feminist athiest who can't bake a cupcake. Why am I addicted to the shiny, happy lives of these women?" by Emily Matchar

The point of this article is "Oh it looks so nice and they look so happy, but I'm not going to make any effort to be that happy myself."

She even said "Well, to use a word that makes me cringe, these blogs are weirdly "uplifting." Why would that word make anyone cringe. To use a phrase my old girls camp leader would say "What is so bad about being good?" Why is it so wrong or against feminism to be uplifting? Why can't we be blissfully happy and have good marriages and big families and make cupcakes? And here is the bigger question: Why does the world try so hard to reject a philosophy that can help our lives become normal and calm and happy? Is that really so bad? Is the drama and stress of being not happy really worth it?

I really, truly believe that the Mormon church is on to something. It's all about family. Healthy people come from healthy families. It is in the family that Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is met. We can not attain our potential, or be mentally healthy without basic things. It is in the family that we first feel wanted or unwanted, loved or unloved, safe or unsafe. In the LDS gospel, these things are paramount. We are all loved, we are all wanted. We must show love to others. They have given tools such as family home evenings and church activities and instruction that bring us closer together to help us feel loved and understood. We are taught that "material possessions and honors of the world do not endure. But your union as wife, husband, and family can. The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever. No sacrifice is too great to have the blessings of an eternal marriage. To qualify, one needs only to deny oneself of ungodliness and honor the ordinances of the temple. By making and keeping sacred temple covenants, we evidence our love for God, for our companion, and our real regard for our posterity—even those yet unborn. Our family is the focus of our greatest work and joy in this life."

Matchar says "And if they help women like me envision a life in which marriage and motherhood could potentially be something other than a miserable, soul-destroying trap, I say, "Right on." I won't be inviting the missionaries inside for hot cocoa now or ever, but I don't plan on stopping my blog habit any time soon." Okay, so you're looking at dozens of women who have good marriages, and happy lives and you say "Yeah, looks nice, but I'm gunna stay miserable because I couldn't POSSIBLY listen to the missionaries or give it a chance. My hell hole is nice thanks very much." Is being happy really that bad? Is being an "atheist feminist" really that great? If you are already happy with whatever religion you've got, that is great. But if your not, is it really worth not checking out what the LDS religion has to offer? It's so sad that so many people are so quick to reject it just because a)someone LDS offended me b)Mormons are stupid c)I can't be Mormon because everyone else is Mormon and then I'll just be conforming and we CAN'T have that. If anyone thinks we are conforming it would just be the end of the world! d) It's what my mom wants and doing what mom wants is just as bad as conforming! e)It might ACTUALLY make me happy and I just love my deteriorating marriage and all the miserable drama that is my life way to much and there is no way I could give up coffee to be happy anyway!

OMfreakingG. Get over yourself and your preconceived ideas about it. If you want to be happy and what you have isn't working out for you, I think it's worth checking out. There are no strings attached if you talk to the missionaries once, read some Book of Mormon or check out the web sight. or Or you can give me a ring and I'll answer your questions.

"If you understand the great plan of happiness and follow it, what goes on in the world will not determine your happiness."

Because family life can continue beyond the thresholds of death. Because the royal priesthood has been restored upon the earth. And because the Spirit has spoken to my spirit, giving me a testimony that my Savior Jesus Christ lives and that through His intercession I shall be able, in accordance to my faithfulness, to live with Him. For these reasons and others still, I am a member of the only true Church upon the face of the earth, and I shall be eternally grateful for this.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Hospital: What People Should Know

It's early in the morning and as much as I want to, I can't fall back asleep. :( This means I'm going to be exhausted tonight at work. But oh well.

As many of you know, I am very much into natural childbirthing. Among those people who are also into this, I think there are some misconceptions concerning what will go on if you choose to have your baby in a hospital. I know I must be careful, since this is my place of employment presently. But I think I have come up with some good tips for mothers who want to go natural in a hospital.

1) It's okay to write a birth plan, but I wouldn't give the entire detailed one to the staff. Write the basics, like what you would prefer to and to not have, in bullet points. No one really has time to read a 2 page narrative on what you think the perfect birth is. Most of us are more scientific so give us the solid simple brief preferences. The best received birth plan I have ever seen at the hospital was only half a page.

2) Make sure you bring someone with you who is knowledgeable and who will help you through the pain of labor. Family is great, but if you are going natural, having a lot of people in the room with you can hinder your progress. And if this happens you may feel more pressure to have some things you originally wanted to avoid, like pitocin or pain medication. You are there to have a baby not to entertain guests.

3) Remember that nothing can be done without your consent. You may need to coach your husband before hand if your preferences are a little more on the strict side. He is not in labor and may be able to interact a little better with the staff.

4) If you bring a doula, make sure it's one that will allow you to make any changes to your birth plan if you feel the need without making you feel like a failure. Sometimes a little pitocin can help make the difference between a 20 hour labor and a 5 hour labor without increasing your pain too much. If you do decide to get an epidural that's OKAY. There are a lot of babies born just fine and who initiate breastfeeding just fine after an epidural.

5) Know the hospital's visiting policy. Some won't let children attend births, some have a strict limit on the number of visitors you have. During your tour ask about this so you can prepare yourself and your family.

6) Unless your baby is in the NICU and has special needs, it's A OKAY to refuse when the staff wishes to treat your baby. You can say you want to breastfeed more instead of a bottle being given for whatever reason. Your baby does not NEED a bath in the first few hours after it's born. Make sure you specify whither or not it's okay to give your baby a pacifier if you decide that you want to send him to the nursery. Having a separate "birth plan" for your babies' chart may be helpful.

7) It is okay to get up and walk around. Ask your nurse how long those monitors MUST be strapped to you. Every hospital has a different rule. This may depend on your risk status so make sure to discuss this with your doctor beforehand and your nurse soon when you arrive at the hospital.

8) Remember that where ever you give birth, pretty much everything is ultimately your choice. Yes the hospital has rules, but these rules won't keep you from having the kind of birth experiance you want (unless of course you are craving a water birth. You'll have to check with your individual hospital on that one). Mentally prepare yourself to stay positive despite what happens and take everything with a grain of salt.

I hope this can help make your experience easier if you choose to have your baby in a hospital. A hospital does have so many resources that can help you and your baby to a good start.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Stupid Irresponsalbe Dog Owners

So I called my mom today because I haven't talked to her in a while. She answered the phone in tears and told me that when she got home from a staff meeting this afternoon she found all except for four of her chickens dead. Apparently two dogs got into the coop. She loves those chickens. After me and most of my sisters left home she got all these animals to kind of fill the void. My mom is one of those people that has to have something to take care of. Taking care of other things is what my mom is good at. It's who she is. Whoever you are, if you need help my mom will be there in a second with anything. That's just who she is.

I'm more mad at the irresponsible dog owners that let those two vicious dogs out to wander than the dogs themselves. It isn't okay, but it is in their nature. But the owners? Really? It's hard to own a dog and not realize it likes to kill small things that move. It's their fault those dogs were not in a yard being restrained. So I've outlined below the things that I think a person should do if they think they deserve to own a dog.

1) See to it that their dog has adequate attention. A dog that does not have enough attention will turn into a loud dog that will wake up the neighbors at all hours of the night because it saw a bird. Attention will also help calm down a dog that has ecstatic tenancies.

2) See to it that their dog has adequate exercise. Exercise will transform an overactive or aggresive dog very quickly. It will decrease chewing on your furniture

3) If you do have an aggresive dog, it is the OWNER'S responsibility to make sure their dog does not harm anyone or anything. Measures must be put in place to ensure that that dog does not escape a yard or kennel and hurt someone. Also, you can train a mean dog to not be so mean.

4) You MUST have time for your dog! They are like children and will act out when neglected or abused. If you want a good dog you have to put the time into it. It's not a toy you can put in the closet when you are done playing.

5) Pick up your dog's crap. It's rude to not.

6) If your dog does end up hurting someone or something you must be prepared to compensate for damages, monetary or emotional. Your dog bites someone, you pay for the ER bill. It hurts someone else's animals, you pay for the Vet bill. You replace what that person lost because it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CONTROL YOUR ANIMALS!

BTW, this includes people who let their little rat dogs run free. I don't want your two pound dog running over to us when me and my dog are on a peaceful walk minding our own business. When your dog obviously has an inferiority issue, keep it behind a fence or on a leash. And for heavens sake don't just stair at us while your dog is following us down the street barking so hard it can hardly stay standing. My dog could, and probably would, eat that thing in two bites.

Just so you all know, my dog is other-dog aggressive. I discovered this within days of adopting him. As a result I see to it that he gets exercise and I keep him on a leash. If he is not on a leash then he is under control and within eye sight or behind a fence or inside. On our walks, there are a lot of dogs that are free to roam. Especially at the parks. If I am there with my dog on a leash and yours comes over to bug us, your dog will get a kick in the ribs. So please, keep your dog on a leash unless you are fenced in.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

New Stuff

Being married is AWESOME! But I will say there has been a lot of adjusting on both ends. At church the ladies are so old they keep forgetting who I am and have asked me to stand up and introduce myself at almost every relief society meeting I have been to so far. Chris has some friends in the priesthood quorum, so that is good.

I've been trying to convince my hubby to sell both our beds and get a sleep number bed so we can both be just as comfy at night and so that I can sleep. Persuading him to this is still a work in progress. I never new he was this stubborn. Maybe I should focus on getting a really good pillow instead of a sleep number bed....

I watched a very excellent movie the other day, and I wanted to share it all with you. It's called "The Business of Being Born." I researched the statistics it presents, and got identical results. If you are interested in being informed a little bit more, you can buy it for only 7 dollars on itunes. Something else interesting that I found that this video doesn't point out is that the hospitals employ full time anesthesiologists that are there 24/7 to take care of only obstectrics. In order to pay these doctors what they believe they need to be paid, these hospitals need to maintain an epidural rate of 80%. So it makes sense to me that people don't understand the risks to them. No one wants to say anything or else the moncho doctor guy won't get paid.

"People in our culture spend more time researching to buy a car or a camera than they do checking out what their options are for birth."

Here is the link for the trailer for your enjoyment!

One thing about me: I youtube everything. So here is something I just heard about: completely UNassisted childbirth. No doctor, midwife, no nothin. Not a good idea I don't think, but it seemed to work out well for these mommas.

Watch and enjoy!